I had hoped to put down in writing what my thoughts were right now. But then as I tried to figure out what I was thinking about, it occured to me that I can't really pinpoint any one thing. My mind is skipping from one thought to another like flashes of lightning, barely staying on one for more than a moment, but somehow still being able to comprehend the whole entire thought. I enjoy the fact that my mind is thinking so many things at once, that I am indeed riveted to my own self and what I think. Many people catch me with my eyes staring forward, yet seeing nothing, while in my head I have my own little world.
This must seem strange to many of you, but then again, without people like me to be 'different', you wouldn't be normal. Or maybe it's that people like you make people like me different. Oh well, anyways...

How often are out thoughts really just OUR thouhts, OUR very own decisions on topics? Because, really, our thoughts are in fact often influenced by the words and actions of others. For instance you hear a rumor spread about somebody and automatically you're paradigm about that person is altered, usually in a twisted fashion. Altered perceptions of people cause you to react differently to them, which could be a good or bad thing, depending on the change in how you see them.
This will hopefully urge you to think twice after hearing rumor and hearsay, so that your paradigm about people, places, or things, isn't twisted into something else in your mind. Try to think for yourself, and watchout for those little conversations or notes that lead you unwittingly to treat others unkindly...

It has been so long since I've last made an entry into here. It was the beginning of my junior year and now I'm more than half way through my senior year, almost ready to graduate.
Ha, and I thought that I was at a low point at that point in my life. I have just pulled myself out of quite a ravine this time. It took so much strength and forgiveness of myself. But I finally did it, and I'm slowly molding myself back into the person I once was.
Now that I have had time to think about what decisions I've made and how they've changed me, I can see so clearly that there is no happiness in choosing the wrong. Doing some of those things did bring pleasure, but only for an instance. And all that was left is that feeling of guilt and hideousness. Looking at yourself wishing you could turn back time... but that's what this life is about, making choices. Whether good or bad, when it all comes down to the end, which side will weigh more?? You're good deeds or simple gratifications of your temporal wants.

I choose good.

Wow, it's been about seven months since I last wrote to anybody who's been seeing this. Things seem to have changed so much since then, but that's probably because I'm back in the hectic rush of people at school. It seems there are too many pressures in the world today, though I know I can easily throw them aside and be happy if I just listen to that still, small voice inside of me telling me to get away from the bad things and stick to my morals and the things that I believe so strongly in.
I take a minute to look at the friends I have and I see that I'm truly blessed, and as long as I have my friends and my family, I know that nothing in the world can step in my way of making those around me happy. I guess that's what I really want to do in life... make people happy. It brings such great joy in my life to see people smile and laugh at the simple pleasure's of life. But at the same time, whenever I see that they are having trouble in life, I feel so bad and I want to help them out in any way I can. Even if that means to be there next to them and just lend an arm around their shoulder and a few whispered words of comfort. I know that would help, because just a little while ago I needed that so bad, yet nobody was there for me. But I pulled through, and now I'm stronger... I just hope that I don't weaken again and fall back to that level of despair and sadness.
So to those of you who are reading this, if you ever feel like you don't have a friend, or you just aren't quite good enough for someone else, then I send an invitation to you. All I have are these few truthful words and a steady hand to guide you back to the right path, and that's where we can walk together in happiness.

Today I had one heck of a workout. I rode into town from my house on my bike, which usually takes twenty-five to thirty minutes. But today it took below twenty minutes to get their. I was really pumped about getting away from the house and into town, hoping to find some friends of mine. I did talk with Sean, but everyone else was gone. Eew, and I saw Ciara in a bikini down at the river. That makes me think twice about going back into town for a while. Well besides the encounter with her it was a nice trip and worth all the sore leg muscles I have now.
It also seems that JoDee has been coming to Church activities with Trista, making it likely that she is either interested in the religion or some cute guy there. Hehe, we all have our own reasons for doing things I guess. Well I'll be leaving you now, or is it I'm leaving me now, oh nevermind. Well until another interesting time in my life... Until Tomorrow...

Mr. Obvious:
Always think things over. No matter what you do, before you take action, think about it. It helps to think things over before hand, else you might regret doing it. Because there is no turning back, most of the time.
The Family Man:
You may think that you can throw away your family and just go into the world with only friends, but it's not true. In the end all you may have is family. Friends will come and go but family will stay. So cherish the time you have with them and hold onto the memories, because one day they may not be their when you want them the most.
The Traveller:
It seems each new day you have some problem to get over, be it small or big. And when you get through that problem you grow stronger. Unless you don't get over that obstacle. Then it slowly eats away at your strength, until you become weak. So I advise you to choose what you think is right, and don't become weighed down by troubles. Do this and you will be the better for it.
*Random thoughts that I picked up somewhere

Here I am at home on Monday of Memorial Day weekend. Tomorrow I don't have to go to school and put up with all the crap that the world has to deal to me. I can stay home and do useful things, well not for long anyways. I'm hoping that a guy I know will get back to me pretty soon on driving a tractor out on his farm, which will be long hours of work. Hehe, the longer the hours, the more money.
Well, I have alot of good things happening to me lately. 1) My oldest sister, Mandy, has finally found the right guy for her. He came over here with her for the Memorial weekend and he's a really nice guy. I had to make sure he had good intentions with my sister, so me and my older brother took him out shooting after everyone had left one day. Hehe, we had alot of fun with that. 2) Well life itself is shaping up for me. Maybe it's because school is out. Either way, I'm full of happiness, instead of being burdened with guilt and darkness that clouds my true goal. Everything is going really good once again, and it'll take more than all the powers of hell to stop me. Haha, well I shall say good night to ya'll. "Good Night".

Aah, tomorrow is the last day of school for me as a sophmore. Soon I will be moving up the food chain of high school, I will be a junior. Wow, that is just scary. Being a sophmore is the best of all, you can drive a car without having to pay for insurance or gas, and all sorts of other things without the responsibility of being sixteen. But I guess being sixteen will have perks of it's own.
Although I like the saying, "The world is what you make of it", it isn't always true. There are many things in this world that you have no control over which can easilly hurt you and those around you. Some people just don't have any morals or standards and just go and do whatever they feel like. Haha, well I'm just blabbing on and making no sense at all. Another day passes, and another day comes...

Going outside each day and being able to see, smell, hear, and sense that summer is coming brings happiness into my day. Aah, soon I can get away from all the vulgarity and perverse subjects, mostly which is at school. I have few places and people to turn to for happiness and comfort, but those that I do have, I am very grateful for.
I look at what I've just written and the things I have said before, and it seems odd that I hide it all when I go to school each day. It's like I don't want the other students to notice me, just to leave me be. Well except for my two only real friends there. I don't want to show everyone there the real me. They usually just take a look at you and judge you for someone you aren't, of course I don't mind if they do that, it doesn't bother me in the least. I guess we all put up barriers between people, hiding some thing or another. We should just be careful what we hide away, and whom we hide from...

It's hard when you must make decisions that change your life and spiritual state. Sometimes it may be easy, but now, it has become more difficult. There are too many things in this world that tempt you. They seek you out and try to destroy what little dignity and self-worth you carry. But when my thoughts turn to light instead of darkness, I recieve strength. I have decided and my heart is lighter...

Aah, it feels great to start something new. This is my place to put my feelings in "ink", where I can come back and reflect on what I've thought about and the views I've had on different things. Well it's time to go back to school and work my butt off, haha ya right. A little reminder to yourself Jason, just remember who you are, and who's you are...